Wasteland

In this vast wasteland I feel everything. November breeze kisses my cheeks and my eyes water for no one but the brisk air. I feel infinite as I run through these untamed weeds that slowly tear at my already worn down jeans with each running step. If I could always feel this way I would run forever. Looking back with a smile on my face as to how far I've really gone. I smile here as I do everywhere but it is different in this wasteland. It is for me and the infinite skies that roll above me. I raise my hands as if to indicate to the world that I am here. I am here and here I am content and here is where I will often come back to. Not always the same soil but often the same roots of my heart. As my eyes continue to grow moist I run harder for me and for you. This is where you'll find me if my prayers be true. Waiting in this moment between November air and setting sun at my back, This moment I will come back to and I'll be alive in it forever.

Fragile

Every night I dream one fear. The fear of not being ready. For your love or any love. I'm even more afraid of love being revoked. I'M NOT PERFECT! And you're so God damn close. So do I run? I can't bear the burden of branding you with this tainted name. For I am branded with all my insecurities, it's the one thing keeping me away. What if, I'm never good? Motherly wings preaching of being proud and of being young and making mistakes. Her wings protect me but I'm so fragile I'm being forced down. I need you to fill in the spaces that clog my mind of sorrow. I need reassurance but how could I ever ask of so much. We're so young but this pain feels so old. Who's to blame other then the fear we embed into our bed side mirrors. I've made so many mistakes. I'm so sorry. A five letter word I can't seem to escape from. This guilt is unbearable so I'll leave it in these words. I'm not perfect and life does not stop. But I'll grow and keep you safe. I'll tuck you in beneath my wings but be strong and help me use those wings to take you to a better place. Where I can be good and life not so cold and these mistakes wont hold me down and I'll feel that love that I never knew I could. For I love you more than you'll ever know and I'll make this right. So I pray you'll let me let go of these imperfections and allow them to shape me into something that you feel you may one day deserve. Because the weather just looks fine today. Says masks of nothing left to say. But I remove this mask and leave you with me. A book wide open.

Not Another Love Song

Magic doesn't always come to me I can hear it in your voice So empty I sit here in these images How can I show you everything It's all in brand new Let me crawl into that mind of yours Tilt your head back till you hear your heart breathing

Chorus

I'll send me through these Postcards and packages They still remain in the way Of a face drawn by peace on love On a day when the earth spins back In two direction crossed in mixes Of left over make believe We'll collide

You share unspoken perfect dreams I'm left in appologies And kiss you softly You say the clouds all block the way Your world, once forced on thirsty lids It wont break the night away Moon pulls you into space When there ceases to be a day When the magic still wont come to me

Chorus

When it's what you feel How can it be wrong These drugs aren't what they use to prescribe Under hands read by brail It all jumps up and sneaks ontop of you For the weather just looks fine today Said masks of nothing left to say The magic flows right past me now

Chorus

When the magic doesn't always come to me

Last Attempt

I was standing in a luscious forest, trees so tall you couldn’t see their tips. Circled around me seemed to be every one I knew. Everyone I loved. My face began to beam with excitement. I could feel the heat rushing to my cheeks. They were all there to see me, weren’t they? At first it just appeared on their faces; acts of disgust. Confused I turned to my mothers face searching for answers. Something, this was not right. Her mouth was open as if… and that’s when I heard it; heard those awful screams. The screaming became louder and louder. Putting my hands to my ears I touched something wet. My ears were bleeding. I pressed together my lids to steady my trembling body. I couldn’t hear what they were saying. The noise became unbearable, I fell to my knees. I tucked my head into my chest lowering my spin until it rested upon my thighs. That noise, that terrible terrible noise. This noise, intended to kill me. The loudness then turned to dead silence. This silence, more deafening than the shrieks before it. As I opened my eyes, everything was pale and bright. The faces continued to scream but no sound escaped their parted lips. That’s when the real torment crept in. I could hear it now. Everyone’s individual voices coming through as a whisper but unsettlingly clear. I heard them all at once, rushed; never ceasing to end. At first it came in soft, pulsating through my ears to the rhythmic motion of my unsettled heart. It came so fast, how could I even begin to prepare. The whispers, reassured me of all my secrets. All my hidden wounds rising now to the surface. The whispers began to pierce my skin as every insecurity was clarified, unbearably true. Unexplainable bruises began to form on my arms. Lacerations soon taking there place. They were killing me from the inside out. My bones began to rend. The pain, turning the cold air stale on my lips. Then I saw you. You’re eyes your own, so rich and brown; searching. I remembered. You showed me your fear once. I don’t think you meant to but I will never forget. You brought me to your bed and opened a book. Inside were words you did not write. Unsettling images, formed on the pages, written in someone else's hand. How could this be you, this darkness in these words? Your eyes were fixed on mine. Were you looking at me, or who you thought I might see? You’re voice was a steadied whisper. You showed me a page and the story was real but you were wrong. The boy, it’s not you. As I came back to the present your eyes grew dull. Dead, was the feeling once shared between us. I knew then, that whatever drew from those hauntingly beautiful lips, would draw my last breath. It was yours to take. The ground began to give way. As I slipped between the cracks I took one last look, your back was turned on me. That feeling, right then that sheer agony, I never knew the power you held. You were walking away and I then ceased to exist. The blackness absorbed my senses and I was falling. Waiting to hit the ground to end my torment, that wasn’t there intention. I was stuck in this damnation. This was my hell. You had warned me once. You were wrong. As the realization crept in through every crevice of my weakening heart, I awoke. I was standing in a luscious forest, trees so tall you couldn’t see their tips. Circled around me seemed to be every one I knew. Everyone I loved. My face began to beam with excitement. I could feel the heat rushing to my cheeks. They were all there to see me, to see me die for all eternity.

Fill Me In.

With weary eyes and a heart stained of loss I come forth to my feet Outside my window Tears fall Reaching out to catch each one They were never meant for you Not seeing through my eyes I feel it on my skin Wash my years clean The scent draws me back Memories folded and pressed My eyes do me wrong See them as crumpled and torn Cling to them as I do this rain But it rolls off my skin and down to my sole Planted firmly in hell Don't draw back Revisit my past Where I've filled you in This rain does not dare to stop Eyes no longer weary Heart stained in longing but not until morning Those tears are mine and I'll race you to gather What was never meant for you